Keven Takes On: PIRANHA 3D
Published: September 15, 2010 - 10:05am
There are two types of movie fans: Fans that go to the show because they have nothing better to do and they hear that the new Piranha movie is in 3D - ooh 3D?! Take my 30 dollars right now and give me those glasses - DO IT NOW! Then there's the more educated fan who goes to see Piranha 3D because they understand that it's an homage to horror films of the past.
The psycho who coughed up 30 bucks because he thought Avatar was totally awesome, is going to walk out of Piranha pissed at how stupid it was and the other guy will walk out with a smile on his face. I walked out of Piranha 3D with the biggest grin I've had on my face all summer.
The plot is ridiculously complicated, so I'll try and be brief. Earthquake unleashes underwater tremor that releases pack of prehistoric bloodthirsty piranha to kill and devour every douchebag spring-breaker that they can. Cue the funny younger brother of Will Ferrell from Step Brothers to come in and save the day - booyah. That's your movie and it kicks ass.
Piranha 3D is not to be taken seriously. But even for a movie that delivers it's cheese knowingly, the last half hour of carnage can seem downright serious and horrific. That's what makes the film so brilliant. The movie starts off almost as if it's some awful spoof in the vein of Scary Movie, then heads right into Final Destination territory with your run of the mill teenage slaughter being set up. But somehow, some way, Piranha 3D manages to imerse it's audience into letting their inner child go and just hitch along for the ride. And what a beautiful cheesy ride it is.
The cast actually acts, which is uncanny considering we have Christopher Lloyd who looks like he literally just dropped out of Back to the Future purgatory. Ving Rhames is there to play your typical bad-ass, but as crazy as he may be, he plays his part straight as an arrow. Jerry O' Connell is our comedic relief and even though he delivers his lines like he's just there for a paycheck - it somehow still works. I'm not sure if this train-wreck of a movie made a deal with Satan but it all somehow comes out great.
The CGI looked atrocious in previews but when you put on those 3D shades, everything not only looks passable, but these maniac fish actually look damn cool. Their eyes, teeth and the way they move, to that chatter sound they make before they turn their prey into an underwater blood tornado, all looks fantastic. I'm not so sure the film will work as well in 2D - this is one of those rare occasions that the 3D is an enhancement to the flick and you HAVE to see this one in theaters to get the full enjoyment out of it.
Ignore the weak intro, which is a throwaway celeb cameo to poke fun at the Jaws mythos, I'm sure they meant well with that one, but it didn't work for me and the delivery was half-assed. It's that last half hour of absolute mayhem that makes Piranha 3D so much fun. I don't remember the last time, if ever, I have seen that much chaos in a movie. There are moments where I was laughing at the screen and seconds later my laughs were turned into wide-eyed blank stares of disbelief. If you don't believe me, go see this. It makes those awful Final Destination movies look like EMO weak sauce in comparison.
It's not a perfect movie, and I still can't for sure say everyone involved was 100% in on the joke, but it's still one of the most fun times I've had at the show all summer and that in itself is reason enough to go see this right now. See it before it hits DVD, because this is a movie you need to go out and see with your friends.
Here's the trailer for Piranha 3D - in theaters now: